


The Light Behind Your Eyes

by paxambabes



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blood, Car Accidents, Death, Ghosts, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15347865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paxambabes/pseuds/paxambabes
Summary: Josh always thought they’d be together until the end, and couldn’t imagine life without him.Unfortunately, life has other plans.





	The Light Behind Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first twenty one pilots fic although I’ve read lots of them before. This whole thing is mostly inspired by the song Immortal by Marina and The Diamonds and also Dark on Me by Starset, and The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance so be sure to listen to those while reading. Please forgive me if there’s mistakes because it’s late. Also not gonna lie, I cried a lot while writing this so here it is.

Daffodils always were Tyler’s favorite flower. He loved how bright they were, the yellow contrasting against his pale skin. But now instead of resting in his delicate hands, they were adorning his coffin.

It’d been three years since Josh lost him, the love of his life, the person he’d trusted the most in his childhood. Nothing seemed the same anymore, the colors of the world around him seeming to dull in the absence of Tyler’s presence. Josh always did think that Tyler lit up the world around him, no matter how dark it was inside of his head. He’d been Josh’s own personal sunlight on his darkest days, the only thing keeping him sane. But when he died, the rest of Josh died with him. He still remembers their last moments together, before everything went south.

Tyler had been drinking heavily again, both of them arguing about the littlest things. Things were thrown, some things broke, but it was just normal to them. But that night, Tyler was clearly upset about something bigger. He had accused Josh of ignoring him too many times, and he’d clearly had enough. There were tears in Josh’s eyes as he tried to calm Tyler down, but nothing seemed to stop his tirade. Eventually though, everything got quiet, both of them dead silent.

“I don’t deserve you, and you don’t need me anymore. Maybe it’d be better if I just disappeared,” Tyler’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper as the tears fell down his face.

Josh ran to him, closing the gap as he hugged Tyler tight, sobbing into his shirt as he tried to comfort him. But Tyler had just pulled away abruptly, looking down to the floor as he grabbed his keys, making his way to the door. Josh was in shock, not sure of what to do.

“I’m sorry.”

Those words hit Josh like a freight train. Tyler sounded strangely calm, not even looking back at Josh as he closed the door, the sound of it ringing through Josh’s ears. He’d spent the rest of the night downing all of the alcohol they had, trying to drink away his sorrow, hoping to forget. Maybe Tyler would come back in a few hours? When Josh woke up, hopefully Tyler would be back home, sleeping in his arms. As he slept, he couldn’t get those two simple words out of his head.

He didn’t realize that those would be the last ones he’d ever hear from his boyfriend.

Two days later, he’d gotten the call that he dreaded and prayed to God he wouldn’t get.

The only thing he remembers of that day is falling to his knees, screaming in disbelief, sobbing as his mother cradled him in his arms.

The following days were still a blur to Josh after all this time, fragments of memories still plaguing him. He barely remembers the wake, the way Tyler’s mother sobbed as she clutched onto one of Tyler’s favorite shirts, foolishly trying to hold onto a reminder of what was now gone. Josh felt like he was drowning that day, numb to the feelings of the people around him, the condolences feeling like insults. He snuck off to Tyler’s old room, untouched as the remnants of his belongings surrounded him. They’d still been moving the rest of Tyler’s things into their shared house, the last bits of it still at his childhood home. But now here Josh was, curled up on the dusty bed, cradling Tyler’s cherished ukelele. Tyler’s mother found him like that, screaming his name over and over again, begging to whatever higher power to bring back his love.

The funeral was the hardest though.

He’d worn the red suit Tyler had gifted him, one that matched his own. Tyler had always insisted that he be buried in it, so they’d still match even in the end. Josh convinced himself that he wouldn’t lose it, not in front of everyone both of them held dear. But on that long walk to the open casket, Josh’s resolve was already starting to crumble. He could see the yellow daffodils adorning the casket, spilling over onto the floor, reminding him of the days they spent in the woods together. God how Josh wishes that he could go back to those times, when everything was alright, when they were carefree. But now here he was, looking down at the lifeless body of the love of his life, a face that was once lit up with happiness, now cold and expressionless, taken too soon by the embrace of death. He was still as beautiful as ever, but instead of fondness, all Josh felt was sorrow. Next to his body were his ukelele, and a framed picture of the both of them, kissing on the day of their fourth anniversary. All Josh wanted to do was climb inside with him, to hold him one last time, to be with him in death.

With a trembling hand, he placed a single red rose next to Tyler’s face, and that’s when he finally lost it. Josh had fallen to the ground, body shaking with sobs, crying for Tyler to come back as his voice went hoarse. He was chanting Tyler’s name like a mantra, spilling his very soul out for the room to hear, hoping that wherever Tyler was now could hear him. He didn’t know how long he’d say there for, finally being pulled up by his mother, looking back one last time at Tyler’s still body as the service went on.

That was years ago now, and everyone else had moved on, but not Josh. Each night he slept in the bed they’d shared, Tyler’s clothes hanging untouched in the closet, everything around him a reminder of a person who’d been long gone. Josh’s family had insisted that he put away Tyler’s belongings, telling him that it wasn’t healthy. But he didn’t care if it was unhealthy, all he wanted was the reminders of what he used to have, of a time where he was truly happy. But happiness was something that he hadn’t felt in years, not since Tyler’s death, his heart dying with him that night. The days started to consist of Josh aimlessly wandering the house, cursing how quiet it was now, missing the telltale strum of a ukelele that would greet him whenever he came home. Now there was nothing but silence hanging over their once vibrant house, every bit of joy and sounds of laughter gone. The silence was haunting to Josh, invading his mind and eating away at him.

It was three months after the funeral that the self destruction started.

At first it was just binge drinking, drinking himself stupid until he passed out every night. Josh knew it wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care about much anymore. Then one night in a drunken stupor, he took a razor to his arm and watched the blood flow, hissing in pain. He knew how dangerous that could be, but all common sense had left him months ago.

Josh’s family had tried to get him to see a therapist, but he refused every time, falling deeper and deeper into a pit of depression that nothing could bring him out of.

The years had passed so slowly after that, and now Josh was no better than he was before. He tried to rekindle his friendships, but all he got from them was pity. He couldn’t stand the constant “I’m sorry for your loss” spiel from everyone, as if they knew what it was like to lose a piece of yourself. Instead, he retreated further into himself, rarely leaving the house.

Today though, was a special day.

Each year since Tyler’s death, Josh would return to the woods where he and Tyler would retreat to in times of hardship, on the day of his death. There was a small river there where they would play in as children, without a care in the world. Now though, all Josh could think of was sorrow when he saw it.

It was a nice day for once, the wind blowing through Josh’s overgrown hair, his hands clutching a bouquet of daffodils. He knew it was time to set them on the water, to let them flow downstream, but he just couldn’t bring himself to move. Then Josh felt a sudden change in the air, a heavier breeze enveloping him from behind.

“I knew you’d be here.”

Josh’s breath caught in his throat, dropping the flowers as he turned around, tears threatening to fall at the sound of the voice.

It was Tyler, standing there in his signature floral ensemble, looking just like he did all those years ago.

“This isn’t real, it can’t be,” Josh cried, the tears falling freely now. “I’m going crazy, aren’t I?”

“I’m here Josh, I always have been. I said I’d never leave you, and I meant it,” Tyler stepped forward, the wind around them making his shirt flutter. He was so close that Josh could reach out and touch him, so he did. But all he got was a sensation of coldness, his fingers phasing through Tyler’s face. Another sob was wrenched from Josh’s throat as he fell to his knees, crying into his hands. That’s when he felt a chill go down his spine, a gentle ghost of a touch on his shoulder. Josh looked to his side, seeing Tyler kneeling next to him with his hand on Josh’s shoulder.

“Why are you here? Why did you come back?” Josh sniffled, the tears obscuring his vision as he looked into Tyler’s ghostly eyes.

“I just had to. I couldn’t leave you like that, not like I did. I still regret what I did, and now I see what it did to you,” Tyler’s voice was as soft as ever, almost musical. He sat down next to Josh, motioning for him to do the same. After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke up.

“How did you die? They never told us,” Josh was frozen in place, breathing so slowly, worrying that Tyler would leave just as quickly as he’d appeared.

“Overdose. It was slow, but at least it was peaceful,” Tyler’s eyes were locked to the ground, his voice trembling as he spoke. “It was impulsive and by the time I started to regret it, it was too late.”

Josh let out a sigh of relief, glad that it wasn’t painful. But a part of him felt even more guilty now, knowing that it was his fault.

“I see you here every year, y’know. I always look forward to seeing the flowers float down the river. It makes me feel like I haven’t been forgotten,” Tyler looked up, his eyes meeting Josh’s as he smiled, small but there.

“I’d never forget you. Not for as long as I live,” there was a hitch in Josh’s voice as he spoke, fighting back a fresh wave of tears. Tyler just smiled back, bringing his hand to rest on top Josh’s, phasing through it.

“It’s getting late. You should let the flowers go,” Tyler spoke as he stood up, Josh following him as he picked up the flowers and made their way to the river. Tyler was holding Josh’s hand as best as he could, the cold sensation against Josh’s skin somehow comforting. He undid the ribbon around the stems and bent down, releasing them into the water. They watched the flowers float downstream, both of them smiling as the sun started to set.

“I’ll see you at home,” Tyler smiled as he looked at Josh, fading from his view as the warmth returned to Josh’s hand. Just like that, he was all alone again, wondering if it’d all been just a dream. Josh tried to hold back more tears as he made his way back to the car, driving home.

When he opened the door, a sense of warmth and calm fell over him for the first time in years. Josh brushed it off as he went straight to their bedroom, hoping to at least get some sleep. But when he stepped inside, there was Tyler, sitting on their bed.

“I told you I’d see you at home,” Tyler laughed, and Josh realized just how he’d missed that sound. Josh felt like he was in a daze, going over to sit next to Tyler.

“Nothing’s really changed since I left. I figured you would’ve gotten rid of everything,” Tyler was looking around now, noticing his clothes still hanging in the closet.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Josh mumbled. “I just didn’t want to accept that you were gone.” Then there was that now familiar cold touch on his shoulder, startling him.

“I’ve seen you suffer so much,” Tyler whispered as he trailed his fingers along the numerous scars that dotted Josh’s arm. “I just wish I could’ve helped.”

“Why did you show yourself now? Why couldn’t you have come to me sooner? I thought you were gone!” Josh cried, jerking away from Tyler’s touch.

“I didn’t think it was the right time. I was there when you cried over my casket. It hurt me so much to see you like that and all I wanted was to reach out and hug you. But I couldn’t, not yet,” Tyler closed his eyes, his voice starting to break.

“There’s something I need to show you. Go over to the dresser and open the second drawer. Just trust me,” Tyler exhaled, pointing over at the dresser. Josh was skeptical, but walked over to it and opened the drawer. Nestled in between his old clothes was a small velvet box, the texture soft in Josh’s hands.

“Is this what I think it is?” Josh’s voice broke at that moment, his fingers hastily opening it. Inside was a thick silver band, with the inscription JD + TJ in cursive on the inside. That’s when the tears burst forth, Josh falling to the ground with the box clutched in his hands. He could feel Tyler’s presence behind him, a wave of grief overcoming him.

“I was going to propose the next day. I couldn’t think of not being with you for the rest of my life,” Tyler sounded like he was about to cry, only making Josh sob harder.

“I would’ve said yes,” Josh choked out through tears, plucking the ring from the box and sliding it onto his finger. Tyler’s ghostly arms were wrapped around his waist now, his head resting on Josh’s shoulder.

“This way I’ll always be with you,” Tyler whispered into his shoulder, his fingers ghosting over the band on Josh’s finger. He could feel Tyler smiling into his shoulder, Josh starting to smile too.

After several minutes of sitting there together, Josh finally retreated to the bed, pulling the covers over himself. It doesn’t take long until Josh feels the cold take over him, Tyler’s arms wrapped around him, both of them chest to chest. He fell asleep like that and for the first time in years, he didn’t cry.

When the morning came, Josh opened his eyes to see Tyler at the door.

“I think it’s time to say goodbye. We should do this at the cemetery,” his voice was low, almost sorrowful. Josh just nodded, his chest tightening again as he got up and prepared for the day.

It was sunny, just like the day they’d said goodbye the first time.

Now here he was, standing at Tyler’s grave, flowers from his family nestled neatly against the headstone.

“So this is goodbye, isn’t it?” Josh’s throat felt tight, his hands gripped tightly around the bouquet in his hands

“Only for now,” and there was that smile again, the one that always managed to warm Josh’s heart.

“When will I see you again?” Josh questioned, the tears threatening to come back.

“When it’s time for us to go home,” Tyler was in front of him now, one hand brushing so lightly against Josh’s cheek. Just as Josh was about to question him, Tyler started to fade, the breeze swirling around them.

“I love you so much, Josh,” Tyler whispered, finally fading from view.

Josh was alone now, the tears falling down his face as he placed the flowers at the foot of he headstone.

“I love you too, Tyler,” Josh smiled through the tears, looking towards the sky. Wherever Tyler was, Josh knew he’d be watching over him.

It was only another five years until they met again.

One minute Josh had been driving to work, and the next he was being thrown from the car, his whole body wet with blood. He tried to move, but quickly realized that he couldn’t feel anything. All he felt was the blood running down his face, the world starting to go black around he edges. There were blurs of people around him, screaming for him to stay awake, but he just wanted to sleep, to finally close his eyes for good. Then, in the corner of his eye, he saw the one person he’d been waiting for.

“It’s time, Josh,” Tyler was as young as ever, his eyes bright and his smile warm. Josh smiled as much as he could, trying to reach out for him, to no avail. The last thing he saw was Tyler’s face, then the world went black.

When Josh woke up, he was in a clearing of daffodils, no blood or wreck in sight. He could feel everything again, the pain gone. Then he felt someone grab his hand.

“I told you we’d see each other again,” Tyler was smiling, and Josh realized that he could finally feel Tyler’s hand, that it wasn’t transparent anymore.

“So I guess this means I’m dead?” Josh laughed, leaning into Tyler as the sun shone down on them. Tyler laughed too, and god how Josh had missed it. Their faces were inches apart, and he could feel Tyler’s breath on his cheek. The next thing he knew, he felt Tyler’s warm lips on his, and for once, everything felt right. He felt at home after all of these years, his heart finally mended.

“Welcome home, Josh.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at transantisepticeye.tumblr.com


End file.
